


Bea and The Futile Attempt at Sobriety

by Forestryuter7



Category: Original Work
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heavy Angst, Homelessness, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Parent/Child Incest, anst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 08:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forestryuter7/pseuds/Forestryuter7
Summary: Bea grabbed her bag, sitting on her bed as she dug around for what little was left of her stash.She grabbed the needle with the sticky black substance inside. She laid it on her bed and reached back into her bag for the elastic needed to tie off her arm.She tightened the strap with her teeth and took the needle back in hand. She eyed for the best vein and stuck her arm."Fuck" she cursed under her breath. She blew the fucking vein. Great.Once again, she stuck her arm with the needle, this time above where she did before. She hit the vein this time.She pushed the back of the needle down slowly, feeling the odd sensation of the thick foreign substance going into her arm. She pulled the needle out of her arm and flopped down on her back, looking up at her ceiling.After years of abuse by her father, Bea turns to drugs for an escape from her life. After a deal-gone-wrong Bea meets Jay, who saved her life. Will Bea just push him away, or accept his help and try to save her own life before it's too late?





	1. Tarps and Tar

She looked down the dimly lit alleyway. She knew that she should've turned around and gone home just as any sane person would've, but no. She just needed a little fix. One last high to hold her over. Then she would quit.  
She held on to her backpack and walked briskly towards the end of the alley with her head down and hood pulled up. She cut her eyes to the left, seeing a thin, youngish looking guy laying on the ground. He had nothing but a tattered tarp to shield him from the bitter cold swimming through the air. It didn't bother the man though, his head was tilted back, drool dripping out of his mouth and eyes half-lidded and rolled into his skull. She couldn’t really tell if he was sleeping, high, or dead. The hooded girl kept walking past the man, never having stopped to gawk. As a regular in the area, she knew the rules. The main one was, "Mind your own business". And she fully intended to do just that.  
The girl stopped when she saw who she was looking for leaning against a wall in the doorway of the local shit-hole bar where you could buy the crack-whores out for cheap. The man was wearing a white jacket - or it was supposed to be white, anyway - and a pair of three-sizes too big jeans. He was in no respect a handsome man, with black teeth and an unkempt stubble that made him look that much more predatory than friendly or handsome. It also didn't help that he was probably sixty or so pounds overweight. When he saw the girls silhouette in the shadows he spoke, in his tired and gravelly voice, " If'n yer not lookin' fer trouble, ya ought ta come out 'steada jus standin' thar all suspicious like." And she did, walking towards him he smiled. It was not a friendly smile in any way. if you were walking past a man and he smiled at you like this, you would probably want to be as far away from him as you could.  
"Hey, Lee." the girl said to the man dryly. "I need some H" Lee raised an eyebrow and let out a sharp, airy laugh. "Well hello to ya too, sweetheart."  
"I've told you not to call me that," She said taking down her hood and shooting daggers at her dealer.  
" Yeah right, sweety, ” He said with a scoff as he threw down his cigarette, smashing it into the dirt below him with his boot. “ Anyhow, yeah I gotcha tar, but I thought you was quittin'?" He said with a raised eyebrow as he reached into a black toolbox sitting beside him, pulling out a baggy filled with brown powder.  
“ Yeah, I know. I'm working on it. Just… give me my shit so I can get outta here.” Bea said, pulling out a twenty from her pocket and holding out her free hand to Lee.  
“ Well, that lasted all a’ two days.” he chuckled. “Ya know Bea, shits gettin’ harder ta come by nowadays. I don't think that twenty’ll cover it for ya sweetheart. ” He leaned up off the wall, giving Bea a once-over and meeting her eyes with a suggestive tone.  
Bea, realizing what Lee wanted, took a few steps backward, ready to get the hell outta there in a hurry if she needed to. “Come on lee” she laughed nervously, as he continued to slowly close the short distance between himself and Bea.  
“Come on darlin’, I’ll be quick. Then you can leave with yer tar” Lee reached out all of a sudden and grabbed Bea by the shoulders, forcing her to the ground.  
She screamed when she fell, her head bouncing off the hard ground. She felt dizzy, trying desperately to fight this man off.  
Just as she slipped into unconsciousness, she faintly heard a grunt and crinkling of… something. She finally succumbed to the darkness then, unable to hold out any longer.

***

When she woke up, Bea didn't recognize where she was. She was staring upwards at a ceiling. It was completely concrete. She sat up, looking around her trying to figure out where she was.  
There were tents and precariously stacked pallets all around her. The ceiling, it turns out, was not a ceiling but an underpass. Bea realized this when she saw the large pillars connecting to the “ceiling”.  
Bea stood up and started walking. She could see a trash can fire pit with a few people around it a minute or two down this row of tents, so she decided that there would be a good starting place to figure out where the hell she was.  
She was glad for the warmth of the fire, but the people there were less than pleasing to the eyes, let alone the nose. No one seemed to be looking at one another, just at their can of whatever kinds of more-than-likely spoiled slop. At least, those who had food. Some just stared at their feet.  
Bea decided that she would just sit there for a while and figure out what she was going to do. When she got home her dad was going to kick her ass. If he was even home. And school started back in a week. She needed to get her shit together soon. She still needed to get her stuff for school…  
Just as she was thinking this she sneezed. A loud, out of the blue sneeze. When she sneezed, she made about three of the people by the fire almost piss themselves, and the rest just looked up at her.  
Just as she was getting up to leave, one of the men that had looked up at her stood up and said, “ Ah! You’re awake! I thought you were in a coma or something!”  
He hurried his way around the fire and came to stand in front of Bea. She stood looking at the odd man.he had greasy, jet black hair that came down to his shoulders. he was tall, at least 6’3. More if he would’ve stood up straight. The had these crazy like almost yellow eyes that stood out even more than they should have because of the dark circles around his thin face. His whole body looked thin underneath his baggy black clothes, probably contributing to him looking so tall. He also had this weird awkward way of talking that made him seem nervous.  
Bea took a few steps back from the man, crossing her arms and popping out a hip.  
“Do I know you?” she asked, looking up at him with an eyebrow raised. She was not in the mood to be screwed around with after what Lee did earlier. It was just then that she realized that she had had no idea how long ago that was. An hour? A day? A week? Also, where the fuck was her bag? It had had all of her things. She needed to get out of here asap and head home, but first, she needed answers.  
The man scratched the back of his neck as he spoke, “ oh, you probably don't remember…” he dropped the hand. “ When that guy started arguing with you I woke up. I was uh, I had been sleeping in the alley when you showed up, but yeah I woke up. And when I realized what that dude was trying to do, I had to do something. I mean what are you? Seventeen?  
“Sixteen” Bea muttered.  
“What? Oh, uh, okay. But yeah I walked up behind him after he uh, after he pushed you down and just kinda like, kinda smacked him with a piece of old wood that was lying around. He just sorta…” he held his hand up straight and then let it flop over at the wrist. “ mushed over on you. I thought you were like, gonna die under his fatness, so I kinda pushed him off you. You weren’t moving so I kinda,” he made a poking gesture with his hand. “ and you like, grunted so I figured you were mostly okay. I checked your bag and found everything but an ID. I didn't know where to take you, so I sorta half dragged - half carried you here. That was two days ago.”  
“My bag, do you still have it? Did you take anything out of it?” Bea asked, starting to panic. All her money was in there, along with her pipe, needles house key, and about one use worth of dope.  
“Yeah uh, I have it. Uh…” he stopped for a moment looking at Bea then back to his feet. Bea knew what he was thinking. She just didn’t give a shit.  
It was obvious to Bea as to what the guy was thinking. He had that half pitying - half disgusted look on his face that most people got when they saw her track marks or found out any other way that she used.  
“Lemme go back to the tent and grab it” he finally said after what had felt like a hundred years of standing and looking awkwardly at Bea. She nodded, starting to follow him.  
When they got to the tent, Bea realized she hadn’t learned this man’s name.  
“What’s your name?” bea looked at her feet as she dragged them in the dirt.  
“Huh? Oh, it's uh, its Jay. Well, really it’s Jacob, but I like to uh, to go by Jay, I guess…” Danny said over his shoulder as he gestured towards one of the larger tents and stooped to crawl in.  
Bea was incredibly uncomfortable around this guy, ‘Jay’. He seemed like a tweaker but obviously had a problem with the fact that Bea had needles in her bag. Also, he had a Californian accent. Why the hell would any move from Cali all the way across the country to some shithole in North Carolina? And why was he being so nice to her? Bea figured he was probably just trying to get in her pants, that’s all men seemed to want from her recently.  
Bea huffed a short sigh and switched the hip she was leaning on. What was taking so long? The tent was bigger than most in the area, but damn, it was still only a tent. How much shit could he possibly have in there?  
He finally stood up with Beas backpack. Bea quickly snatched it from him, looking in her bag to see if anything had been stolen. Surprising as it was to Bea, Jay was true to his word. Nothing in the bag was missing. Bea looked up from her bag at Jay.  
“Why are you helping me?”  
Jay looked confused. “I already told you, I woke up when I heard..” He was cut off by Bea, who was getting really tired of this nice guy act this “Jay” fellow was putting up.  
“Cut the shit. No one does anything out of the kindness of their hearts. I know you want something and you’re not going to get it, whatever it is. I’m going home. Oh, and a piece of advice? If you want to survive out here, try minding your own fucking business. No one out here is your friend. Especially me.” and with that, Bea promptly turned back towards the fire to find her way home. She was glad she was able to get her bag back. On her way home, she needed to stop by her secret spot in one of the abandoned factories by her house…  
Bea’s train of thought was interrupted by Jay grabbing her shoulder. She whipped around and shoved him off her shoulder.  
“Don’t ever fucking touch me!” she hissed, quickly backing away from him as she spoke. She had always hated when people touched her, and after that stunt Lee had pulled she really was not in the mood for anyone’s hands on her.  
Jay looked startled by Bea’s reaction. He quickly pulled his hand up in that “ hey, please don’t kick my ass” position, and took a step back. From his point of view, he was just trying to stop her from leaving alone since it was getting dark, but Bea didn’t know that.  
“I just…” Jay started to explain but Bea shoved his chest and started to scream.  
“ Stay the hell away from me, asshole! I mean it! Don’t come near me!”  
And with that Bea turned and ran down the row of tents until she couldn't breathe and her side hurt.  
She could tell where she was now and started to walk back home.


	2. Chapter 2

Bea crept back into her room through her bedroom window. She did not want to deal with her father right now. She was exhausted and had to piss like a racehorse.   
When she walked into her bathroom, bea caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She paused, turning to give herself a second look.  
Ever since she started using, she had lost weight and gotten outta shape. It had only been two months, but she was starting to show the tell-tale signs of your average crackhead. Random sores, weight loss, dark circles under her eyes, the drugs were definitely starting to take their toll.  
Bea remembered what she used to look like. Healthy, young, not exactly happy but at least sober. At least sane.   
After Bea used the bathroom, she decided she needed a shower, but that could wait. She settled to just wash up in the sink a little. She smelled and had dirt all over her.   
She ran the sink lukewarm. She needed to feel safe.   
She dipped her arms into her elbows. It felt nice and comfortable. The last few days had been an absolute shit show. If only she hadn't gone to see Lee…  
Bea suddenly realized that she had no idea what had happened to him. Had Jay just knocked him out, or had he killed him? Would she be connected to the murder?   
Bea was starting to freak out pretty badly when she decided she needed a hit and resolved to talk to Jay tomorrow about Lee. She wasn't going to use in the bathroom though, she wasn't trying to fall asleep on the cold tiles.   
Bea quickly splashed water on her face and grabbed a towel. Then she snuck back into her room and quietly latched it shut.  
She grabbed her bag, sitting on her bed as she dug around for what little was left of her stash.   
She grabbed the needle with the sticky black substance inside. She laid it on her bed and reached back into her bag for the elastic needed to tie off her arm.  
She tightened the strap with her teeth and took the needle back in hand. She eyed for the best vein and stuck her arm.   
"Fuck" she cursed under her breath. She blew the fucking vein. Great.   
Once again, she stuck her arm with the needle, this time above where she did before. She hit the vein this time.  
She pushed the back of the needle down slowly, feeling the odd sensation of the thick foreign substance going into her arm. She pulled the needle out of her arm and flopped down on her back, looking up at her ceiling.  
It wasn't a full minute before the drug started acting. First, a tsunami of nausea hit her like a truck.   
Right when Bea thought she was going to vomit, the bliss hit her.   
It was the most amazing feeling. She was weightless and liquid. Water, no, lava, floating on air. The heat from her core heating her up and making her arms start to melt. They were too heavy. They were going to melt off. But, that's ok. Everything was okay. Dad was okay, Lee was gone, Mom was back, everything was the best it had ever been. She floated in the air, a puddle of heavy lava, forever.   
But it wasn't forever. Nothing was. It was maybe twenty minutes, then the real fun started.   
She could see everything. The whole world made sense. She could understand the universe. She saw the room around her fade into something different.  
The tsunami was back, this time taller, with more force behind it. Bea tried to move, go to the bathroom and vomit, but she couldn't. Her arms were still weighed down. Not in the same, fun way as before, but chained to boulders.   
She was barely able to push herself on her side to vomit onto her bed instead of being stuck to asphyxiate on her own sick. She sat in a fitful haze, somewhere between sleep and semi-consciousness. 

***

Bea felt like shit when she woke up. Pure, unadulterated, shit. She rolled over into a sitting position on her bed. She looked around. Her room was disgusting. It also smelled disgusting. She was disgusting, in every sense of the word.   
She was in desperate need of a shower. She had vomit caked into her hair, she had blood on her arm, not much but enough to make her uncomfortable. She hated blood.  
Bea went into the bathroom, stripping herself naked. She realized then that she had pissed herself, too. Great.   
She turned on the water as hot as she could stand it. She needed to scrub all of it off. Everything that had ever happened to her, the remnants of last night, all of it.   
She scrubbed hard at her skin, faster, faster and harder until her skin was red and she was sobbing.   
She threw down the washrag, bringing her arms up around her chest, holding herself tightly as her body shook as each sob wracked through her, grabbing her sadness, her fear, her loathing for herself and everyone around her.   
She let herself slide down the grime-encrusted walls of the shower into the tub. She curled onto her side, grabbing her legs, pulling herself into the fetal position and sobbing.  
“Why me?” she thought, she screamed it over and over again in her mind. She screamed it at god, she screamed at her mother, who left her. She screamed it at her father, who just kept getting worse day by day, taking out all his pain on her. Feeding his every perversion with her, piece by piece, until eventually, there would be nothing left of her.   
She threw up again; As much from the memories as from coming down from her high. She wanted to die. She needed to die. Every particle of her being was revolting against her, screaming for her to run, to stay where she was. For her to scream, but stay silent. To die, but fix her life.   
Instead, she cried. She sat, curled on her side and cried until her eyes were red and her voice was hoarse. When she was done crying, she still just sat in the tub, feeling numb as she shook from the cold.   
As she was shaking she heard a door open. She froze. Her first instinct was to put on clothes, suddenly very aware of the fact she was naked and vulnerable. She couldn’t fight him off like this, especially if he's high.   
Bea quickly turned off the shower and grabbed her clothes off the floor. She hid the clothes and herself in the tub and closed the shower curtain. She put her hand to her mouth and tried to be quiet. Her breath hitched when she heard the bathroom door open roughly.   
She heard her father roughly open the door and open the medicine cabinet. Next was the clattering of the pill bottles that fell out, many of them empty. She knew what he was looking for, his drug of choice, bath salts.  
When she heard him grab the baggy and stomp out of the room, she let out a sharp breath she didn't realize she was holding in. she knew if she was going to get out of the tub without getting spotted, now was the time.  
She summoned up the last of her courage and stepped out of the tub. She threw on her bra, the only thing in that room clean enough to wear to cross the hall. She wrapped a towel around herself and peeked out of the bathroom. Her father was in his recliner, which thankfully was turned the other way. He was leaned over their coffee table, making a line with a photo that had been folded in half. A photo of her mother.  
She was so disgusted with him. Every single aspect of him was repulsive to her. She couldn't wait until she could leave. Or until he died too. She shook the thought from her head. That was a dangerous train of thought.  
She shook her head again and headed to her bedroom. She needed to go talk to that guy Jay again. But first, she had to get changed. Not like she could go naked.  
She opened her dresser and grabbed a pair of holey jeans. She gave them a sniff and they were clean enough, so she threw them on her bed and went to her closet. She grabbed her blue tank top and threw it and her jeans on. She walked over to her mirror to check how she looked, and she wasn’t that bad.   
Shed lost some weight, probably ten pounds, but she had already noticed that. The weight loss didn’t look awful on her, she had been a little chubby before, so she had some time before she started to look scary. Her hair was still dark brown and long, but it wasn't as fluffy as it used to be, not as healthy. That much was okay. But her skin was her real tell. She looked sick. Pale, with dark bags under her eyes. She had small sores on her neck and a few had been popping up on her face. She knew it was only going to get worse from here, but she didn't have time for this. She had to leave. She’d been here too long already.  
She turned to grab her bag when her arm hit the mirror. It fell with a crash so loud, Bea thought people miles away could hear it.   
“What the fuck?!” She heard her father curse as he started down the hallway. Bea felt sick, she knew what was coming. She couldn’t run, she couldn't hide, she couldn't fight. So, she kicked her bag and various paraphernalia under the bed and sat down on top of it.  
“Where the fuck have you been?! Out with some prick like the stupid whore you are?!” Her father grabbed her by the hair as he screamed at her, his face dangerously close to hers. She started to cry again  
“No, daddy, please I -”   
She was cut off by a knee to the face, her father screaming at her the whole time as he continued his assault.  
“You think you can sneak around behind my back?!”  
A punch to the gut.  
“You wanna act so fucking grown-up until I treat you like an adult, right bitch?”   
A sob escaped Bea’s lips as she tried to pry his hands out of her hair, her nose gushing on her pretty blue shirt.  
“Answer the fucking question!!!” He pulled her up so she had to look him in the eyes.   
“ I’m so sorr-” He let go of her hair and she dropped to the floor, her hands flying up to protect her face. Her father kicked her in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her. She fell on her side, and her father squatted down beside her and laid a hand on her cheek, grabbing her jaw as he forced her to meet his eyes.  
“It can get so much worse for you,” he whispered to her and smiled.   
“Take off your shirt” he grinned at her. She closed her eyes and started to cry again.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed this please leave a comment! if you didn't enjoy it leave a comment too telling me what you didn't like about it!
> 
> also here's my twitter- @waddle_vicky


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